i'm confused, messed up and this has got to be the worst new years i had in many many years. Ever since last year when my uncle passed away, i though i could pull through. but i was wrong. dead wrong. I never recover myself from that day again. Ever since i grew up and especially since i was no more in my teens i have to deal with things i think it's the hardest in my life for the past 2 freaking years. I deal with people i love around me, leave me to be in a place where god think they love them more. I have to back off and accept those decision. Yes, i cried (hard) and move on. But reflecting on this, i do not think i ever moved on. I dunno how to describe the feeling inside me. It's indescriable. I cried and cried for the fact that my life has not been what i want lately but i just move on like nothing ever happened. I hate that. I f***king hate my life right now. For what do i have to study? For the sake of my future? but really, what does future really holds for me. I cannot answer it. I dare not think of it.
My heart is messing with my thoughts and i could not think of anything.
While many at my age is having a blast in their lives, i am not. I am dealing with the internal self conflict i have with myself and i really think that before things gets worst, i should consult someone to help me out. i cannot pull through this. it has been a roller coaster year where pretending isnt the answer for everything.
My life sucks and i aint have anything yet. Dahla no achievement at all. Sigh. I need help...
Unless someone sponsor me to go for a vacation for i am willing to right now or give me anything that i could do out of my study life. cause right now, study like sucks to the max. i really cannot study this semester. it's worst, terribe, painful.. and all the agony i have to pull thru internally and externally.
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