mix boiling point

*this is an emo post and truly from my heart.. if i did offend anyone.. am sorry.. i didnt mean to.. again.. it;s everything that i pour out from my heart..**

it was an emotional 2/3 days.. mix with happy, sad and excited feelings.. and it's hard to explain.. one moment i would be grateful, the other i will be rebellious, and crying and enjoying and many stupid mix feeling boiling inside me..

to tell the truth, i am missing lots of my 10 weeks life back in germany.. i like the living lifestyle over there... and i wish i could have tat again.. it hurts tat i am back here in malaysia and yet i cant find myself.. although it's hard adjusting to climate, culture there at first.. but at the end i got used to it already and i wish how 10 weeks would go by really slow.. but again.. i have enjoyed the time there.. i know i should not look backward.. i should look forward.. if i ever have a choice.. i would choose to go away from home and try to explore more about the world..

i am ever growing frustrated with my progress in looking for a job.. seriously.. there is not even one phone call or anyone calling me to attend interview after so many countless applications i have submitted.

i look like an idiot looking for jobs.. i dunno why..i dunno wat qualities employers are looking into... how do i secure a job? and etc.. it's been really frustrating.. i hate tat feeling.. but tat again. if i ever get a job.. will tat job be in the career path tat i want?? should i just look for a part time job 1st and take my time to look for the job i really really want?? arghhh.. i wish i have answers to all my queries..

i am ever excited for my own convocation.. yet for the fact tat many of my frens have managed to get a job and working and looking happy and all.. deep inside, i am happy for them but at the sametime i cant help for the fact tat it is so hard for me to find a job... i have been keeping a positive mindset but my heart is very fragile.. and sometimes when my heart cant take it anymore.. i break down.. all alone by myself crying.. it's been hard to put on a brave front facing so many people tat once i'm all alone.. all the negativity comes in.. and tat is the breaking point.
but for the time being.. to be honest i am thinking of taking up the work and travel program and to explore different things in life rather than the conventional working life.. where i will go to work and the routine and mundane life continue again and again and again daily. and then i thought of taking up postgraduate studies overseas and work my way up again..
again, tat is just what i am thinking right now.. but still there are many things that is not conclusive yet.. unless i can land a job soon.. then every doubt will be put to rest.. else.. i must have a contingency plan for everything..

favourite team lost in charity shield to chelsea.. on penalties.. but am hoping for a competitive 2009/2010 premier league season, plenty of tennis and of course the World Badminton Championship this week..