evolving.. revolving.

i hate the fact that i can be real happy and the next second.. i could be very emo. 

i hate the fact that (not rejecting but merely asking for a reschedule interview because i cant make it for the interview 2moro because i am having a meeting with the managers and i cant freaking abandoned that).. so i am plea-ing for that person to call me back for a reschedule because that is my dream company and still is.. the place i wanted so bad in the 1st place. sil vous plait, call me back!!! i am waiting for that calll.. 

i am having a difficult time thinking because my work laptop got crashed last week with the reasons i do not know and don't want to know and i feel like an idiot because not having my laptop around means i cannot work which makes people around me looking at me (that interprets that i am either stupid or an idiot and makes them thinking that i know nothing about computer that it got crashed barely 2 months since i got hold of it).. it sickened me because 

a) i am not a person who do not know anything about computers because i know how to format and know how to fixed motherboard, graphic cards, ram, hard disk, sound card and whatever shit into the CPU)

- sometimes it's better to left everything unsaid so that i can act like i am stupid and not one will ever ask me.. cause they know they will only get 1 answer from me.. which i.. I DO NOT KNOW.. SORRY..

b) i wanted to do give my best and all to my current job but people just don't give me the chance at all..

- so it's better that i just do what i can and look things at the smaller scale... the more i think, the more i get demoralised and hopeless on my current situation.

i want to be a volunteer for a NGO and am trying to look for ways to help them out.

i realized that i have so many stuff that i wanted to post up for year 2009 but i just couldnt find a decent way to put it here.. and as a reminder that 2009 was a ending and start to a brand new aspect of my life.

i have so many things going round my head but i just couldnt put them into words here.

praying that next week is going to be a good week ahead and that i have the strength to face people that i have to face weekly.. and please dun make my new week  miserable. thank you.